Just pick up the phone. Just pick up the phone and call him. It's not that hard, you've done it a thousand times. Just pick up the phone, press one and wait for him to answer. What if he doesn't answer? Would it be because he's painting? He can't get to it in time? Or would it be because he doesn't want to talk to me? It doesn't matter, if he doesn't answer then just leave a message and if he's not still mad then he'll call back. Just pick up the phone and call him. He picks up the phone and dials the number that he knows by heart. He waits. Ring… Ring… Ring… Ring… Ring… Hello? Hey. Hey. You want to come over. Not really. Mind if I come over? Kind of. Sigh I'm sorry. No you're not. Why the hell would I apologize if I weren't sorry? To make me forgive you. Well, yes. Apologizing does usually lead to forgiveness but that's not why I apologized. I apologized because I'm sorry. I probably shouldn't have kicked you out like that. Probably Brian?!? Alright, alright, alright. I shouldn't have. You know I'm not good at this sort of thing. You're the one that started apologizing. That's because I'm fucking sorry, but you know that I'm not good at verbalizing things like that. Things like what? Things like what I'm feeling, asshole. Fuck Justin. You know it's kind of fun to hear you squirm in torment. Well I'm glad your enjoying yourself. Oh I am. But I'm still kind of mad at you. Be mad at me over here. Wouldn't that defeat the purpose of you throwing me out? I shouldn't have thrown you out. I'm sorry Justin. But I can't do any more than say I'm sorry and hope that you believe me. Do you? I'm not sure. pause Okay. Well when you are sure you can call… No, I meant, I won't be sure until I see you. Be there in twenty minutes? I'll leave the door unlocked.
Just pick up the phone. Just pick up the phone and call him. It's not that hard, you've done it a hundred times. Just pick up the phone, press one and wait for him to answer. What if he doesn't answer? Would it be because he's drawing? He can't get to it in time? Or would it be because he doesn't want to talk to me? It doesn't matter, if he doesn't answer then just leave a message and if he's not still mad then he'll call back. Just pick up the phone and call him. He picks up the phone and dials the number that he knows by heart. He waits. Ring… Ring… Ring… Ring… Ring… Hello? He answers laughing. Justin. Hi it's Ethan. Oh, hi. He stops laughing. Then he starts again but it's not because of me. Stop. Stop. He must be at Daphne's. Those two have an odd relationship, they act like children sometimes when they're around each other. Brian stop. Brian. That hurt. Though not too surprised that that's who's with him. Why? I hear in the background. Because I'm on the phone. And your point? More laughter, and it seems that I'm forgotten. Stop. The laughter slowly dies. I believe someone's on the phone Sunshine. Right. He says distractedly. Right. And his attention is back to me instead of whatever I apparently interrupted. Sorry. Um. Uh, why are you calling me? I just wanted to talk to you. I don't. I really have nothing to say to you. Come on Jus... Don't call me that. Hey. Calm down Sunshine. Brian in the background seems to be helping me. Though I'm sure if he knew it was me on the phone he wouldn't be so helpful. Then the line goes quiet except for the slight rustle of hair and the moan Justin lets escape. And then Brian's voice is back. Now either play nice with little Ethan or hang up the phone. Fucker does know it's me. But Justin's only response is a gasp and another moan. Then it's Brian on the phone. Justin's a little incapacitated at the moment. Can I take a message? Fuck you. I'll be sure to tell him. Bye bye. And then there's nothing but dial tone. I guess when you can be completely forgotten about during a phone call you can be completely forgotten about in life too.
"Mother fucker" Brian peels off two pieces of glitter that were hidden on his elbow. "The shit never comes off." He starts to flick them away when their shimmer catch his eye one more time. He starts to think back. Back to two nights ago. Back to when he and Justin were dancing and the glitter was falling down on them like rain. He smiles at the memory. He and Justin on the middle of the dance floor at Rise, the club Justin said they "had to go to". The night wasn't out of the ordinary. They drank, they danced, they went home and had sex five or six times. And after coffee the next morning Brian headed for the airport to fly back to Pittsburgh. It was the end of a typical weekend for them. Even though being in the same city isn't all that typical. One might even say it's rare. But as Brian remembers how Justin kissed him until their lips were sore, and then kissed him some more. How they fucked then slept then talked until the sun came up. How Justin was covered in glitter. His hair, his cheeks, his hands… his lips. As Brian remembers all of this he simply places the glitter back on his arm and thinks… "Maybe I could use some more"
We were sitting in the diner, me, Mikey, Emmett, and Theodore. Emmett was reading some magazine and decided that we needed to take some quiz. It was some stupid thing that said what kind of person you were depending on which sense you could live without. Everybody answered, I don't remember any of them I just remember mine, and then it came to me. I said that I couldn't live without any of my senses. I was prepared for what came. They called me a selfish asshole, said that you don't need all of your senses. I was prepared because it always comes. But they didn't let me explain. So if you'll listen I'd like to explain to you... Thanks. Here goes...
Sight- I would never give up sight because then I wouldn't be able to see him. To see his eyes, or his smile. I would love to never see him hurt, but everything hurts sometimes and that's just a part of it. I love to watch him when he sleeps. It's kind of this guilty pleasure of mine. I guess it's the protector in me. I love to watch him when he comes. He's so beautiful. I just love to look at him. That's why I can't give up my sight.
Hearing- I would hate to lose my hearing because I love his laugh. And his voice when he says my name, or 'I love you', or anything at all. I love talking to him because he's right, he's the most mature person I know. We talk about everything and nothing. From the stupidest stuff we can think of to where we are together. And while I don't like hearing him mad, at me or at someone else, I can always make it better, I just have to hear him breathing first. Nope, my hearing stays.
Smell- I love his smell. While showers are necessary, I like smelling him, not soap. Fortunately he gets his smell back quickly. I love being on the dance floor at Babylon and putting my nose right where his neck meets his shoulder. That's my inhalant drug. The smell of him changes during sex. It becomes more intense, but that's to be expected. And the smell of his hair when I hold him afterwards always helps me go to sleep. Smell can't go.
Taste- He has so many tastes and I love them all. There's the taste of his skin when I gently kiss his neck. The taste of his sweat soaked body when I lick his torso while we're dancing. The taste of his cum. Then there's the taste of his food. He's a suspiciously good cook, must be because he lived with Debbie because I severely doubt that she let him leave there without knowing a thing or two about Italian cooking. And finally there's the taste of his kiss. I can't even explain it, it's just him. I need my taste.
Touch- If I couldn't touch him I think I would die. I love to touch him. Whether we're in bed or just walking down the street, I love the way he feels. When we're walking down the street, it's like I need to, I put my arm around his waist and I can feel him smile. I love to run my fingers through his hair, during sex, a blowjob, or just when he's lying on top of me. I love the feel of his skin. The feel of his ass or mouth around my cock. The feel of his cock in my mouth or ass. Better yet, the feel of his mouth on mine. Our tongues dueling. After I've had a shit day, he just holds me and lets me hold him. I love that feeling. Just the feeling of knowing that he's there. Because I've let go of him way too many times and I promised myself, and him, that I would never let go again. I can't survive without touch.
No I need all my senses. But the thing that I need more than my senses, is I need Justin. I'm not complete without him. I don't know what it is but when we're apart it's like he took a part of me with him. Like he holds more of me than I do myself. I don't know what it is, I guess it's... love. That's why I need speech too. For the very rare times when I can actually verbalize "I love you'. Because I do, I love him. And I know he knows me. That's why after I do something to show my love, he always says 'I love you too'. He knows. And I'm thankful that we'll never doubt each other on that. Cause if I were to lose him, I'd lose myself.
I think I'm gonna go tell him this. Thanks for listening.